WHAT’S THE INFLUENCE PRINCIPLE?
This week I’ve been thinking about how many of us believe we’re unique, self-made individuals with our own opinions, ideas, likes, and dislikes. But have you ever considered how much impact other people’s preferences have on our lives? Whether it’s friends, ancestors, coworkers, or significant others, our daily lives are shaped by what others think, wear, say, and do. I’ve decided to call it the Influence Principle.
Now, before I explain the Influence Principle, let me first acknowledge that I am a white woman in her 30s living in the United States. This means that I come from an individualist culture, where the common belief is that each person is unique and breaks the mold, whereas, in collectivist cultures, individuals fit into molds to create community. So if you are from a collectivist culture, the Influence Principle will probably feel like a no-brainer to you. If so, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
MY GRANDMOTHER’S JEWELRY
That said, here is the train of thought that led me to the Influence Principle:
My grandmother liked turquoise, both the color and the stone. She wore it in both outfits and jewelry. She was never ostentatious or fancy, preferring old hand-me-downs to new clothes, and rings made out of silver spoon handles to anything from a jewelry store. But her preferences were still clear, and the things she handed down to her children and her many, many grandchildren and great-grandchildren were clearly her.
For instance, now that she’s gone, I have some of her jewelry. Just two pieces, but both of them have turquoise in them. I love wearing them, both because I think they are objectively cool and because they remind me of her. And since I currently have a very small clothing budget, I think about that jewelry when I buy clothes. “Will this go with Grandma’s locket?” My grandmother’s color preference impacts my clothing choices. And we all know that clothing choice impacts how others see us. Both in first impressions and beyond, psychology proves that others assess our personalities and identities based on our appearance.
So my grandmother’s jewelry preferences influence how others see me. Isn’t that cool? You might think of me differently because of how she dressed. One tiny thing from the past that changes who I am today and every day of my life, even without me noticing.
HOW DO YOU SCRAMBLE EGGS?
But sometimes, I do notice, and I think it still counts.
About ten years ago, my mother came to stay with me in Indiana. Instead of flying back home from here, she decided to visit her friends in Chicago first and then fly out of O’Hare. It’s a bit of a drive, and I like her friends, so I also stayed overnight in Chicago.
The next morning, Mom’s friend Carolyn was making us breakfast. My mother is physically incapable of sitting still when someone else is moving, a trait that I believe was handed out en masse to female babies in the 1950s and ’60s, so she jumped up to help. Carolyn put her in charge of making scrambled eggs.
Then my mother wanted to know exactly how Carolyn wanted the eggs made.
Carolyn, exuding nonchalance, said, “Oh, just put a little water in and stir them with a fork, not too much.”
My mother, with her typical self-deprecating humor mixed with genuine surprise, said, “Really? Oh my! I usually beat my eggs to death!”
We all laughed, and Carolyn went on to explain why, exactly, it’s better not to beat your eggs to death.
I do not remember even a shred of her reasoning. But I still think of that moment every single time I make eggs—which is pretty often. Carolyn’s egg-making ways and my mother’s willingness to learn new things changed a tiny part of my life. And for the record, scrambled eggs are better when you don’t beat them to death.
So. The Influence Principle: what other people like, dislike, do, say, and believe impacts our daily lives in more ways than we could ever notice.
WHAT’S MY INFLUENCE?
Although I love thinking about this when it comes to how others have influenced me, it also terrifies me slightly when I think about how I influence others. How are my choices impacting the people around me? Does my love for soccer impact my friends positively or negatively? Will my preference for black flip-flops carry on in some way? How will my disgust for inconsiderate people be remembered? Will it help or hinder?
It’s causing me to think about my choices more, at least so far this week. Of course, I can’t possibly analyze everything I do, think, say, or believe. I’d spend even more of my life frozen in uncertainty than I already do. But what about the big things? What can I adjust or address so that the Influence Principle works positively on the people around me?
NOW TELL ME ABOUT YOU
What about you? How have you been influenced by others, and how do you think you’re influencing others? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.
Leave a Reply