On April 11th, 2018, I was at work, researching some project with a coworker (who’s also a friend.) Then I got the notification: Carrie Underwood had just released her first new single in two years. I ceased all work immediately.
Because he’s great and my friend, my coworker sat and listened with me with actual interest.
We listened all the way through Cry Pretty, and I turned to my friend and said, “I don’t think it’s going to be my new favorite song, but I do think I like it.”
Insert raucous laughter here.
Yeah, it’s my favorite. By a lot.
Basically, throughout the emotional and physical chaos of the past year and a half, I’ve felt understood and weirdly comforted by Carrie’s words:
You can pretty lie, and say it's okay
you can pretty smile, and just walk away
pretty much fake your way through anything
but you can't cry pretty
On Tuesday, I found myself thinking those words after I dropped a 65 pound barbell to the ground and started crying. I was already dripping with sweat and it had been a really terrible day, so I was already a mess going into the CrossFit gym. But I got about 24 minutes into the workout and I was just done. I started to cry, the first time I’ve done that at the gym.
I would not recommend it – when you start crying while working out, all that happens is you run out of oxygen. And then you start to feel anxious because you cannot breathe. Suddenly, you are having a panic attack while sweat drips off your face with your tears.
It certainly ain’t pretty.
But even worse than that, it ain’t private. Every single person in the gym can see you. Which just adds to the feelings of panic and self-loathing, plus some embarrassment thrown in. It’s a wonderful cycle.
In the past months, I’ve cried in a lot of private places – my car, my bed, my shower. But I’ve also just completely lost it in some public places – parking lots, meetings, and arenas where I’m surrounded by thousands of people. Sobbing in public means that people see you, and it adds to the emotions of clearly an already not great situation. It’s awkward.
But it can also have some positive consequences. It can remind other people that you’re human. It can remind you that you’re human. It can be a (mostly) silent request for help. It can give you extra personal space because people think you’re crazy and start to back away.
So, I’m curious. What’s the weirdest or most awkward place you’ve cried? And were there any positive consequences?
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