Night Showers

Do you ever wake up one day and suddenly realize you’re a different person than you used to be?

That sounds dramatic, yes.

It doesn’t have to be dramatic. No soap opera-style shocked faces required.

It’s often very small things that lead to this realization.

For instance, every single night this week I’ve come home from the gym, eaten dinner, and then taken a shower. In fact, I’ve done that almost every night for at least a month. I haven’t taken a shower in the morning since…well, I don’t remember the last time I did.

Which means I am now a night showerer.

WHAT?

Me? No, no, I shower in the morning. You must have me confused with someone else. Perhaps a hooker or one of those computer hackers that wakes up at 7pm to start “work.”

But it’s real. I am a night showerer. My current schedule has led to this reality, and honestly it’s working.

Why do I find this distressing? As always, thanks for asking. You’re such a good listener. Has anyone ever told you that? You could be a therapist or something. Look into that.

Anyway. I find it distressing because typically when I change, it’s intentional. It’s usually the kind of character development that comes with angst and trial and error, the kind of thing I usually tell you about on here, where I realize something isn’t working and I have to adjust.

Or, of course, there are the changes that time brings – my joints now aching when it rains, that sort of thing. But those are not decisions I make, those are things that happen to me.

I’m talking about ways I’ve changed over time that are the cause of tiny little decisions piled up on top of each other to make me different than I thought I was. It’s like waking up to discover you’re driving on the wrong side of the highway because you slowly drifted left over the last 50 miles and never bothered to correct it. Except that would be dangerous. Don’t do that.

This can show up in bigger things, too. I was recently trying to assess my DiSC type, and the test required me to say whether I am more “sweet” or “assertive.” I honestly almost had a panic attack. Have I, over the course of thousands of little decisions, become more assertive than sweet?! When did this happen? Does this mean I have to go buy a power suit or a motorcycle or something?

I don’t know. I don’t know yet what these realizations mean. I’ll keep you posted.

But in the meantime, have you ever had one of these realizations? If so, what clued you in?