Silly Rabbit

“Here’s some paper; would you like markers or a pen?” My pregnant counselor asks as she leans over her shelf of art supplies.

“Pen, please,” I say, injecting as much dignity as possible into my answer.

“Great!” She places the paper and pen on a TV tray in front of me. “Now, I want you to draw the emotional cycle you just described for me.” She settles into her padded office chair and starts typing away on her laptop. Instructions over, you may begin your exam.

I spend the next few minutes drawing a circular experience – starting with what I call “task fatigue,” looping over to emotional exhaustion, and then back again. I announce that I am finished. Pencils down, class.

“Wonderful!” She’s very cheerful, my counselor. “Now, take a look at it, and tell me what thoughts or feelings come up for you.”

I ponder the drawing.

“I feel silly.”

I can already predict her response: “Mm-hmm. Tell me a bit about that. Why do you feel silly?”

I ponder some more.

See, when I look at the paper, it feels like I should be able to handle these things. Like in the grand scheme of things, it’s kind of silly that task fatigue sends me into an emotional spiral. My to-do list and the issues currently in my life are not serious, not really.

Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. Silly rabbit, getting overwhelmed by your to-do list is for teenagers. I am an adult. I have been for a while. Emails, meal prep, car repairs, it’s just not that hard…right? Shouldn’t I have this handled?

But I don’t. For whatever myriad reasons, this spiral still causes issues for me. And, as I’ve said before, embracing reality is my friend.

So if I need to be silly, then I might as well embrace it, right? The sooner I am okay with feeling silly, the sooner I am okay with being me.

What about you? Are there things that you do or feel that seem silly?