In case you are not familiar with the Enneagram, here is your introduction. The Enneagram is a personality test that breaks people up into nine categories, labeled One through Nine, based on their instinctive response to both their nature and nurture as a small child. It is complicated, has many side categories and terms, and is in no way completely inclusive of all the complexities of humankind. However, I have found it to be particularly helpful in describing my own behavior, so I use its language and ideas frequently.
Now that you know what I’m talking about, I get to tell you my Type: I am a Nine. Here is the description of Type Nine, The Peacemaker, according to the Enneagram Institute:
“Nines are accepting, trusting, and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace…They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness. At their Best: indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts.”
To summarize: in their natural state, Nines sit still and avoid change and conflict.
As Ian Cron, author of The Road Back to You puts it, “Nines start slow, and then they taper off.”
Do you have an image in your mind yet? Great! Now double it.
No, literally.
My roommate is also a Nine.
Which means that our house is especially creative, supportive, and trusting. If you need encouragement, relaxation, or acceptance, come on over!
It also means that our house is especially complacent, slow, and conflict-avoidant. If you’re looking for an argument or you can’t handle quiet, go somewhere else.
In The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, Lizzie describes Bing Lee and Jane’s interactions as “an agreeable-off.” Yep. That’s us.
In some ways, this is very enjoyable, even downright entertaining. My insecurities, problems, and quirks are frequently mirrored in my roommate, which allows for a large amount of shared understanding and camaraderie.
For instance, neither of us are finishers. For us, doing the last 3% of a project is nearly impossible. This is most evident in doing the dishes; I will inexplicably wash all but one or two dishes and walk away. Why?! I don’t know. But my roommate does it, too. Hurray! I’m not crazy! It’s very validating.
But in some ways, this is also…exasperating. Imagine having all your negative qualities doubled. Like not being able to finish anything. Suddenly there are two of you starting projects, and 3% of 18 different things is left undone in your living room. Or neither of you wanting to tell a visiting neighbor to go away, because conflict is awkward. Or…
You get the idea. All of this has me thinking: we naturally gravitate toward our “people,” those who hold the same beliefs and ideas as we do, in order to feel validated. We create our social circles this way. But if those circles are too consistent, they simply become echo chambers that bounce our weaknesses and blind spots back to us. In order to grow and change, we either have to spend time around people who are different from us, or take the echoes as signals to notice our weaknesses and adapt.
Overall, we enjoy being a house of Nines. But it presents a lot of room for growth. Which is good, but challenging.
Have you ever experienced this similarity of personality? And how did it go?
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