On Wednesday of this week, I had a bit of a meltdown.
I say “a bit” because I’ve had actual panic attacks before and this was not that. I’ve also fallen into black holes of depression and this was not that, either.
This was fast, intense anxiety that tried to amp up my body and tell me that I was not okay, in any way, shape, or form.
What caused this bit of a meltdown?
Well, I received a text message saying that quarantine might be ending and we might return to normal on Monday.
Seems like good news, right?
Well, my body didn’t take it that way. The instant response was, “THE WORLD IS ENDING!”
If this reaction seems unexpected to you, we’re on the same page. I was confused. I had to sit down, breathe slowly for about an hour, and dig for the reason behind the sudden mutiny.
In the last two weeks, I feel like I have finally gotten the hang of the new normal. I’ve set (and stuck to) regular sleep hours, I’ve been keeping an actual sabbath, I’ve read 18 books so far this year, I’ve journaled almost every day, and I’m actually feeling happy. My social circle is 3 people, with only texts and FaceTime interactions with anyone else. My little quarantine family and I have fallen into a rhythm of Taco Tuesdays, 4pm workouts, and daily encouragement and support. My creative side is absolutely loving all this space – I’ve written and created more in the last two weeks than in the last two years.
Basically, I somehow ended up thriving under quarantine.
And now, faced with the possibility of things changing (AGAIN) and of having to adjust my schedule, reset my boundaries, and leave this little family routine, I panicked.
Of course, yesterday morning, the Stay-at-Home order was extended, and I was given at least 14 more days to sort this out.
But here’s what I learned from this bit of a meltdown: I need to figure out what I’m taking with me. What have I learned, what habits have I formed, what boundaries have I (accidentally or intentionally) put in place, that I want to take with me back into a more social and hectic reality?
And, on the flip side, what don’t I want to take? What needs to stay here, under quarantine?
How about you? What things do you want to take with you? What things do you want to leave behind?
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