I keep seeing posts on social media that read something like this: “I would rather offend my white friends than bury my black friends.” And I whole-heartedly agree. I would rather blast my white friends and family with witty zingers and angry tweets than bury a single one of my black friends – heck, even a single black person who’s not my friend.
But here’s the question I keep coming back to again and again: will offending my white friends and family actually stop black people from dying?
Over the past few years as I’ve watched my friends, coworkers, and acquaintances struggle with sexism, gender bias, racism, and systemic injustice, my anger and frustration have grown.
My internal dialogue grew louder and louder, culminating in a constant refrain against the mostly clueless people around me: “Why don’t you get it?!”
And then, a few weeks ago, I read this:
A black friend who was disturbed at watching white activists unsuccessfully woo less-informed white people remarked, “One of the most unpleasant people to be around is the angry white person who is furious at his own people for not getting it.”
Beyond Colorblind, Dr. Sarah Shin
Ouch. I had become that person, that angry, annoyed, constantly ready to defend justice person.
And then God kept hammering the point home, and I stumbled upon this prayer:
May I cease to be annoyed that others are not as I wish they were
Since I am not as I wish I was
Prayer, Justin McRoberts and Scott Erickson
Oh, right. I am not perfect. I do not, in fact, “get it.” Not all of it, at least. Clearly God is still working on me.
And then I read this:
Well, I say, we all have to start somewhere if us want to do better, and our own self is what us have to hand.
The Color Purple, Alice Walker
Hmm. So if I want to start somewhere, start with me. Not with you, not with my friends and family who still feel the need to defend the confederate flag or Aunt Jemima’s picture, not with the people who want to pretend none of this is happening, but with me. With my own soul.
And in my 32 years of life, I have never known my own soul to respond well to angry reprimands. Not from others, not from me, not from God. Yes, I’ve had to live in the consequences of my actions, and that reality has sometimes changed my soul. But angry confrontation? That has never once moved me forward toward truth, hope, or love.
Speaking of love, I read this on Monday:
Love is not the answer to everything, but it creates a climate of security in which we can seek answers to those things that bother us. In the security of love…conflicts can be resolved. Two people who are different can learn to live together in harmony. We discover how to bring out the best in each other. Those are the rewards of love.
The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman
It’s true. In the security of love, that’s when we change. That doesn’t mean we don’t see and feel the effects of our actions or the actions of our people or our government. It means that when we feel those consequences and we see and feel the pain of reality, we still know we are secure in love. And we can begin to change and to grow and to make amends and to become the best of ourselves.
And so, with all those many words, I want to say two things to my people:
- I commit to working on my own self first, with the help of the Holy Spirit.
- I will do my very best to provide a climate of love in which you can seek answers to the things that bother you.
So if you want to talk, if you want to pray together, if you want to process out loud, I am here. And I will listen, knowing that I am not who I wish I was, either.
Leave a Reply