For the past few months, I’ve been practicing the spiritual discipline of Sabbath. I use the word “practice” on purpose – like in yoga, each Sabbath has become a chance to work toward something, to hone my skill.
The skill I’m working toward is resting.
I’m not very good at it.
This may surprise some of you, because I’m very good at vacating. I can watch tv or play Zelda til the cows come home and be very happy. Zoning out is my speciality.
But actively resting? Not so much.
That requires lowering stimulation, ceasing my schedule, and cutting off expectations. It means leaving task mode entirely.
And I like task mode.
Sure, I can go to someone’s house and sit at their dinner table for a few hours and not do a single thing, but I’m technically still accomplishing something, because I am with them. I am building or maintaining relationship. It’s still a task to check off.
But what about just being? Listening? Breathing?
Much more difficult.
My inner voice starts to ask questions that I don’t enjoy, like, “If you’re just sitting here, do you matter?” Or, “What if ignoring your phone causes people to get annoyed with you, or not like you as much?”
My inner voice is seriously obnoxious sometimes.
But when I really stop and think about it, does all the doing really matter, either? Who do I think I am that I can outwork my own limits? Who do I think I am that one more text is going to make me more lovable? Is one more task really going to change how I see myself?
No. The answer is no. If I am afraid of making people angry or of losing my friends or of being worthless, no amount of task-mode and no amount of zoning out are going to help.
The only thing that will help is resting. Being. Breathing. Remembering who I am, and remembering what actually matters when no one else is around.
Which is incredibly difficult. But I’m trying.
Have you ever practiced Sabbath? How has it gone for you?
Leave a Reply