Have you ever thought about how weird it is that we don’t like to accept help? It shouldn’t be that complicated, since we need help. I know very few people who would say, “I never need help, and I could not benefit in any way from the assistance of others.”
Like if we all need a certain amount of sleep to survive, then we all can agree to just get those hours of sleep without any problems, right?
Haha, nope.
As a species, we humans are really excellent at complicating things that just are not that complicated. I think it’s one of our stronger characteristics, next to opposable thumbs and verbal communication. We like to twist our emotions, perceptions, and insecurities into such incredible knots that we can’t even tell which rope leads out of the hole we’ve dug for ourselves.
That said, I think we can un-complicate this particular thing a little bit.
There are three major reasons that I can think of which stop us from accepting help:
- Pride: We don’t want to need others; we want to be independent.
- Concern for Others: We are afraid of burdening others with our problems.
- Perception of Scarcity: We worry that we might need even more help in the future and that if we ask for help now we won’t be able to ask for that help later. (This is my biggest problem.)
Looking at this list, it struck me that all three of them are based in fear – fear of appearing weak, fear of harming others, fear of not having support later when we really need it. And making decisions out of fear rarely goes well, in fact, those have tended to be my most regrettable decisions. (Someday we can laugh together about my most regrettable life decisions because, as Carrie Fisher used to say, “If my life wasn’t funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable.”)
Choosing to acknowledge this fear and ask for help anyway…yeah, that’s tough. It requires humility, trust, and releasing control, none of which are fun things to develop. It can feel like walking barefoot on a floor covered with LEGO pieces – you never know when a step is going to hurt like the dickens.
But by not accepting help, we deny our friends the chance to participate in our lives. We deny that we need anyone, and we miss out on the joy of working together with others. I don’t want to let fear rob me of community, do you?
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