In my freshman year of college, my creative writing professor made us keep a writing journal and share it with another classmate every week. It was supposed to help us write down ideas, memories, phrases, basically to keep an account of our lives and thoughts so we could later write about them. I loved doing it but fell out of the habit once I was no longer being graded for it. (Perhaps we should be graded on more things as adults? Like eating healthy or driving well? Except that I’d probably get terrible grades in basic things and it would be embarrassing. Washes feet in shower: F. Doesn’t swear around kids: D-. Yeah, maybe this isn’t such a great idea. Never mind.)
However, I found these journals recently, and read this in one of them:
“The days seem to drag by so slowly, but the weeks fly by so fast.”
And it’s mostly still true, at least for me.
Each individual day that arrives feels long, difficult, and like it’s the only thing that matters. Of course, there are outlier days – birthdays, holidays, etc. – but for the most part, each day feels gritty and challenging. During a given day, it feels difficult to think about the big picture and much simpler to think about what I want and feel in this moment.
For instance, if I come home from a long day at work with a lot of stress and feelings, it’s much easier to think, “I want a beer and a giant mug-full of ice cream.” (Btw, if you’re not eating your ice cream in coffee mugs, you’re doing it wrong.) It’s easy to disregard the fact that eating sugar and drinking alcohol mid-week lower my energy levels and will make the next day harder, not to mention the fact that numbing my emotions helps no one. It’s hard to remember that I value physical and emotional health when all I want is to drown my sorrows in chocolate milk and numb the pain with 10 episodes of Superstore. Each day feels difficult and long.
But once the day is added to all the other days, it seems to have flown by. It seems to have been just a moment and my feelings and fears and challenges were something I could have looked past to the future and my goals and hopes and dreams. Looking back at yesterday, I didn’t need that mug of ice cream, and I could have spent the three hours reading a good book instead of binge-watching Hulu. But this is incredibly difficult to remember.
It occurred to me recently, while writing a job reference for a good friend, that my favorite people in the world are those who can hold onto the big, hopeful picture of the future, while also acknowledging how difficult each day is. I love people who know that a new, different, better future is possible, but also feel like taking the tiny, daily steps to get there is just damn difficult. Watching them helps me remember that each day is a journey and that it’s okay to admit that it’s difficult. But they manage to hold onto hope for a new future, which inspires me not to give up or just settle into the grit and challenge.
So, as I’m writing this, I’m pausing to think: how can I help myself remember the big picture and hold onto the hope of that future, while I’m in the daily grind of today?
How do you do that? I’d love to know.
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