You Know Me

This week, a good friend of mine accidentally discovered that I don’t go by my legal first name.

(Actually, her first thought was that I called the state government to ask a question and then gave them a fake name, which, honestly, I just don’t have the moxie to do, but I kinda wish I did.)

But her second reaction was, predictably, “Who even ARE you??”

And it’s true. There are lots and lots of things she doesn’t know about me. There are lots and lots of things you don’t know about me.

Do you know my favorite movie or book or sports team? How do I like my coffee? What’s my earliest childhood memory? What did I study in college?

We see these tests on Facebook and Instagram all the time – how well do you really know me?? There’s probably only two of you (maybe three) who could answer all those questions.

But I’ve been thinking about this.

That does not mean that only two or three of you really know me.

You may not know everything about me.

But an awful lot of you, even those who have never met me and only read this blog, know what kind of person I am.

And that, to me, is really knowing me.

Sure, it’s nice when someone can bring you a cup of coffee just the way you like it without you asking.

It feels good to know that someone you trust can answer the security questions to handle your bank account if you’re ever in a coma. (It would take my best friend approximately five minutes to completely assume my identity if she ever chose to, which is both comforting and a tad alarming.)

But here are my real “do you know me” questions:

If you called me at 2am and said you were stranded on the side of the road, would I say, “Sucks to be you!” and go back to sleep, or would I get up and get dressed and save your sorry little ass? Or if you confessed to me over whiskey that you’ve been dealing with depression for years and you don’t know what to do, would I politely suggest you pray more and try to think happy thoughts? Or would I say something else? Or if you invited me on an adventure, what would I say? Do you know what kinds of things make me angry? Can you name one of my weaknesses in life?

Unless you’re very new here (in which case, welcome!) I think you can answer at least some of these questions about me.

And, mostly, I like that. It’s uncomfortable to be known, sometimes. Especially when it’s a weakness or something I’ve done wrong. But I don’t want people to wonder who I really was. I don’t want them to wonder how I’ll react to something or whether or not I liked them. I want to be known, even though it’s scary.

Can people answer these kinds of questions about you? Do you want them to be able to?