The Perfect Gift Conundrum

Presents. Do they stress anyone else out?

You know. Like, gifts that you give people.

They’re especially common at this time of year for some reason, which we won’t get into.

But they stress me out.

I feel like there are three typical ways that gift-giving can be stressful:

• Budget – How much is too much? How much is too little? What if I buy you a pair of socks and you buy me a Lambourghini? Do I owe you a Porsche next year?
• Remembering – Most gifts are given on specific dates or occasions, and as we all know, time is an elusive creature similar to a unicorn, and very hard to track and even harder to tame. Birthdays sneak up on my constantly.

• Levels of relationship – Are we at a gift-giving stage? Who in my social circle will get me a gift? Does that mean i must get them one? If we met last week but we both cried together in a public bathroom about our childhood traumas, do I ask for your address so I can send you a gift for Christmas? Is that weird?
• And, bonus: Do you get something they want or something they need? Like Dumbledore, I need socks and underwear. Very few people are going to get me that. Which is fine, I expect that at this point in my life and plan accordingly. But if I know that your engine filter is dirty, is it weird for me to buy one to put in your stocking?

Clearly, gift-giving is full of difficulties.

But those are not my biggest issues.

See, I think I’m fairly good at giving good gifts. I know when I have something perfect for someone. And isn’t that such a great feeling? Knowing that you found the exact thing that will make another person feel cared for and seen?

But, although not as rare as unicorns, perfect gifts aren’t everywhere. They do not grow on trees (unless the person you’re shopping for has always wanted to try squeezing their own fruit juice and you buy them a juicer and a bag of oranges.) That “I have the perfect thing for you” feeling is not predictable. I may find the perfect thing for you two Christmases in a row and then be completely stumped for a decade!

And then what?! If I can’t find you the perfect gift, it feels incredibly lame to get you a second-rate gift. Anything short of inspiring and “Oh my gosh how did you know” feels like having wet socks on all day. (Yes, I seem to be a bit hyper-focused on socks today, just go with it.) It’s not a good feeling. And although you might say, “It’s the thought that counts,” we all know that you’re going to take those Yankee Stadium coasters I got you to Goodwill in January.

So what do we do? What do you do? How do you deal with the perfect gift conundrum? Or is there a secret to finding the perfect gift every time?