What’s Wrong With Being

This week’s thoughts are going to require some context, so please get your popcorn and settle in for a multi-part story.

Ready? Great.

I was at the gym recently and my coach paired me with a woman I didn’t know well. As she and I prepared for our partner workout together, she said, “I have to confess, I’m intimidated.”

I said, “By what?”

She laughed and said, “Of you!”

I was surprised and listed all the reasons she shouldn’t be intimidated by me (one of which was “You seem to have me confused with someone else”) and then we did the workout and had a great time and I hope she is no longer intimidated by me.

Later, I told the story to my roommate because I thought it was funny. I couldn’t remember someone saying that to me before, so I found it to be an entertaining anecdote.

My roommate’s response went something like this: “Well, you carry yourself with a lot of confidence. It can be intimidating, even though it’s not your fault.”

That’s interesting, I thought. I don’t really think of myself as a confident person. And I just let it simmer for a few days. My thought processes are often like a good stew – cooked low and slow. And cooking a stew requires taste testing as you go, so I find it helpful to hear my friends’ opinions.

I brought the two conversations up a few days later to another friend. I told her the original story, and then related my roommate’s response, saying I was surprised by it.

My friend, who is excellent at asking questions, asked me how I would compare my general confidence levels now with my general conference levels four years ago (when she first met me.)

It was an easy answer: I am much more confident now.

Admitting (mentally) that my roommate was right, I moved on.

But then, just a few days later, the lesson was driven home like a teenager who failed their driver’s test.

I was coaching at the gym, and someone I hadn’t seen in years walked in for class. I went right up to her, said, “You probably don’t remember me,” and struck up a conversation.

And when I walked away from her, I started laughing to myself (yes I’m sure I looked absurd.)

See, when I’d known her before, she was popular, well-liked, and the subject of a lot of conversations around me. (She probably still is, I just haven’t been around her.) My response to her popularity back then was to not speak to her – we were in the same social circle but I don’t think we ever had a conversation. I just didn’t think we had anything in common and didn’t feel like I could add anything to her life.

But this time around, I went right up and started chatting, wanting to make her feel welcomed and at home. Without even thinking about it, I acted as though I could add something positive to her experience.

Confidence change, indeed.

If you’ve made it this far, first of all: I’m impressed.

Second, I keep thinking about that moment.

I just keep thinking about how interesting it is that my confidence has grown when it was never something I was trying to work on. I’ve been working on a lot over the years, as you know if you’ve been here a while, like my mental health, gratitude practices, and life perspective, just to name a few, but confidence has never been something on my list.

And yet somehow, as I worked toward the person I wanted to be, confidence came along for the ride. I didn’t really notice, because it’s difficult to see our own change, especially when we’re not measuring it as we go.

It made me wonder: how often do we make progress in life that we don’t even notice? How often do we change for the better but ignore it because it’s happening over time, like snow melting in spring? Based on my experience, I would bet a lot on the fact that each of us has grown and changed over time without even knowing it.

So my question this week is a little more philosophical than usual:

If you pause and think about how your life is different than it used to be (or, better yet, ask your friends or family how you’ve changed) where do you see growth? And, if I may be so bold as to make a suggestion, how will you celebrate that growth? Because progress is progress, and you can be proud.