It Shouldn’t Be This Hard

So, yesterday I had 42 free minutes at work during which I was planning to write a blog post for today.

But instead, I had to spend that 42 minutes trying to figure out where I can refill a prescription at a reasonable price so I don’t have to sell a kidney to pay for it.

I am mentally ill. If you didn’t know that, you must be new here (welcome!) because it’s something I write about a lot. I have major depressive disorder, and I take medications for it.

And recently, on a tighter-than-usual budget, I’ve realized I’m paying a lot for my medications.

Actually, that’s not recent, it’s just that every time I need to refill I think, “I’ll find a cheaper way next time,” but this month I really needed to find them cheaper, and I’m down to five day’s worth so yesterday was the day I needed to figure this out.

But in order to find out how expensive a prescription is going to be, I have to contact my psychiatrist via secure email and ask her to send a prescription to a new place. Then I have to call that new place and get them to fill it. Then I have to go to that new place, give them my insurance and all my contact information, and wait. Eventually, they hand me a bottle of pills and say, “Here, it’s $X.” And at that point, I have to decide whether or not I’m willing to pay $X and take a gamble on whether or not I can find it cheaper somewhere else. And if I choose to go somewhere else, I have to start the process again.

Now, I am not writing about this because I need advice. I’m figuring it out; I’ll handle it with help from my also mentally-ill best friend (we have to stick together.)

But it just felt like it needed to be written about because this is fundamentally unfair.

I am working with less energy and less decision-making power than others.

And yet I have to work harder and jump through more hoops to stay alive.

It makes less sense than wearing shorts in the arctic or ordering sushi at McDonalds.

And I know it’s not just the mentally ill that struggle with this – it’s anyone with an illness.

And I have no solution.

I just want you to know, if you are struggling, that I see you and I feel the frustration with you.

And if you are healthy and well, and you don’t have to do this medication dance, might I recommend that you practice gratitude for that? You are blessed with simplicity. And I am glad for you, truly.

But it’s still difficult over here.

Because it just shouldn’t be this hard.