I’ve been doing some organizing and decorating lately (as part of my Bloom Where I’m Planted Initiative) and I’ve come to realize that I own a lot of books that I haven’t read. Over the years, I’ve tried to give away books I’ve already read (and won’t read again) as well as books I probably will never read (how I got such books is always a funny thing to think about) but apparently, I still hold onto quite a few unopened, sad, and lonely books; about 15-20% of my books belong in my To Be Read pile.
And I don’t fully understand this, because I honestly don’t understand what causes me to read a book or not read a book. I’ll buy a book, grab one from a “free” table, or be given one, and it’s just as likely to be opened and read that exact moment as it is to be stored away for months, even years! On vacation three years ago (THREE YEARS) my father lent me a book called Laughing in the Dark – it’s a comedian’s take on dealing with depression. I know I would like this book. Humor and depression on the same pages? Sign me up for a premium subscription, please! And yet, somehow, the book sits on my shelf, one of a great number of undeserving books that fill my To Be Read pile.
Why wouldn’t I choose to read that book? I don’t know. I just feel, somehow, with no further available explanation, that the time is not right. When will it be right? I do not know. Does my father want his book back? Probably. But he won’t get it back until my gut tells me, “Time to read that one, specific book that you entirely forgot about! Abandon the other books you’re reading if you have to! Now! Run! Find the book!”
My best guess is that this sort of chaotic book intuition is a combo of two things: 1) an actually helpful (if subconscious) assessment of how I’m doing and what I need at any given time and 2) an ability to procrastinate that truly deserves several medals and trophies. I think my mind and intuition assess books for how I think they’ll make me feel or what they’ll make me think about, and then my procrastination goblin gets to weigh in: “Yessssss…that boooook would be gooooooood…but what ifffffff…we read it laterrrrrrrrrrr?” And later can be years away.
So maybe my book goblin is to blame. But it’s also entirely possible that I am just a chaotic and inconsistent person and that’s why my To Be Read pile grows steadily over time, while I reread other books I already know I like.
It’s really very difficult to say.
(Which is okay, by the way. As my editor says, “Life is too short to shame-read.” My point here isn’t that it’s bad to have a To Be Read pile, just that it’s weird how I select books to read and when.)
How about you? How do you decide what to read next? What’s in your To Be Read pile?
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