Family Values

FAMILY VACATION

I’m on vacation this week, bumming around the beaches of North Carolina with my immediate family. This is an annual occurrence, and we have rhythms and patterns of behavior that we follow. But this year, my high school best friend and her family also joined us. And the whole experience has me contemplating family values. So I decided to take a few minutes to tell you about it. Ready? Great.

The two families vacationing together means 18 people in one enormous house. Seven adults and eleven kids schlepping sand from the beach to the pool to the jacuzzi and back again. It’s slightly controlled chaos and it’s pretty fantastic. And although their family suits ours well, and surprisingly few arguments or problems have popped up, there’s one particular way that our family differs from theirs: the ranking of our family values.

FAMILY VALUES

Most families today value safety and security at the top of their list of values. Safety, especially when you ask parents of young children, is an important part of raising a family. And it’s not that safety isn’t a value for my family, it’s just that it’s not our top value. It’s less important than, say, fun. Or adventure. Or making memories.

Consequently, we tend to put ourselves in situations that are…how do I put this delicately…perhaps not the best ideas in the world?

We swim in the ocean when the lifeguards say not to. We race horses bareback in the rain. We pile too many people on sleds and run into trees. We are a little wild and a lot of a good time.

I can give you an example, although this one is slightly extreme, I have to admit.

THE WOODS ADVENTURE

Growing up, we had cousins who visited every summer. One hot New York July, when I was 13, the 15 or so teenagers and young adults hung out all day, swimming in the pond and playing baseball. But after the sun went down, we were still itching to do something fun. We were gathered around a bonfire, talking about our boredom, and someone, probably as a joke, suggested we go run through the woods.

I remember it was well after midnight. I was young enough to still be a little afraid of the dark. But the moon was out, so when they started getting ready for the adventure, I said I was in.

My cousin Wade found a huge old rope in the barn, and we used bailing twine to tie ourselves by the waist to the rope so we wouldn’t get lost. Then, in a stroke of adventure inspiration, we put the one person who wasn’t familiar with the woods (a friend of a cousin) at the front of the line. And into the woods we went.

Talk about chaos. If you’ve never run through the woods at night, tied to a bunch of other teenagers, I’d highly recommend you try it. Fallen trees become insane obstacles to hoist your younger cousins over. Patches of briars become like lava you all try to avoid. It’s a screamfest. And one of my favorite memories is of being with my cousins.

VALUING ADVENTURE

But, obviously, it was wildly unsafe. And you might think, “Well, if your parents had known, they would have stopped you!” But, honestly? I doubt it. Of course, we’ll never know.

And most people would not do these things. Observers, like our vacationing companions, sometimes get a little concerned when they see us or hear about us dragging people through the woods by the light of the moon. But the memories are more important in my family than the concern of a broken ankle or a scraped knee or a slight concussion.

And I happen to love that. It’s the way I was raised, and although many of us rebel against the way we were raised, I still thrive under a slight risk of danger. In ranking my values, safety is below fun for me, and it probably will be until I die. And if I die on an adventure? So be it.

WHAT DO YOU VALUE?

But it makes me wonder: What does your family value? What’s important to you that maybe isn’t important to others? How is your family different from mine?

We may never go on vacation together, but I’d still love to know.

*Beach photography courtesy of Jane Seitz*