IT’S BOOK LAUNCH DAY!
Well, folks, it’s book launch day! You can find my new novel, Violindy, on Amazon and here on my website. Getting to this moment has been a wild ride, and it’s certainly not over yet. But I wanted to be honest with you and take a moment before the party tonight to discuss something we don’t always talk about: success doesn’t always feel good.
LET’S TALK ABOUT FEELINGS
Over the past month or so of promoting the book, several people have asked me a variation of the same question:
“Are you so excited?” they ask, looking at me with anticipation of my enthusiastic response.
“Yes,” I say. Because I am.
Then, depending on the timing of the conversation, I might continue: “I also feel nervous and anxious.”
Because the reality is that although I am excited, it’s possible to feel many other things at the same time. Here are a few of my emotions from just the last 24 hours, courtesy of the handy-dandy feelings wheel I have bookmarked in my browser:
- Overwhelmed
- Vulnerable
- Powerless
- Out of control
- Inadequate
- Embarrassed
- Apathetic
- Frightened
Now, I’ve also felt some positive emotions in the last 24 hours, including:
- Proud
- Creative
- Courageous
- Eager
ALL THE “WHAT IFS”
But that doesn’t change the fact that, on the eve of a giant accomplishment, I am experiencing dread and fear and a pretty impressive level of negativity.
What if people don’t like my book? What if I stutter and make a fool of myself while reading an excerpt? What if I forgot a fundamental part of the publishing process? What if I don’t make back the money I put into this book? What if people don’t buy my next book because this book, my first attempt, isn’t as good as I know my next one will be?
What if, what if, what if…?
See, despite your kind words and excitement and sharing of my posts, it doesn’t always feel good to be where I am. I’m on the edge of a big success—because I truly believe that publishing a book is a success, no matter how well that book does financially. But standing on the edge comes with the fear of the fall, and no amount of kind words will change that reality. It’s part of being human.
SUCCESS DOESN’T ALWAYS FEEL GOOD
I know you all love me (you love me, right? RIGHT?) and I will be alright. But I’m also terrified. And I think that’s important to say out loud. Because if we believe that doing big things should feel good, we get even more freaked out when it doesn’t. Success doesn’t always feel good, and that’s okay. You can do hard things—if I can do it, you can do it. And negative feelings won’t last forever.
How have you experienced multiple complex emotions at once? I’d love to hear from you.
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