Friend Zone

Welcome to my friend zone.

No, it’s a good thing, I promise!

See, my friend zone has room for lots of different kinds of people. (The beauty of differences is a whole other topic that we don’t have time for today, so let’s just agree to agree that we need all kinds of different people in the world and in our lives. Please? Great.)

And although it’s true that according to science the average person only has 5 true friends (relationships that are positive, long-lasting, and cooperative, as written about previously) those friendships tend to cycle in and out over time. Plus, we have relationships in our lives that may not meet those exact requirements but do add some value to our lives. For instance, I am not friends with my barista but she provides immense value to my life. Delicious value. Actually, this may have been a bad example. All baristas may really qualify as my friends, because obviously they’re contributing positively to my life, I’ve been in a relationship with them for a very long time, and we cooperate together on my caffeination.

Ahem. I seem to have digressed. (I digress a lot when someone mentions coffee, so please stop bringing it up, would you?)

My point here is that there are a lot of really amazing people in my life, and although they may not all scientifically match the definition of a friend at all times, I’ve had enough true friends to know how to spot one when they wander into this gin joint. So here are my top three signs of a true friend:

1. They do not let you get away with your shit. Now, this one can be a little tricky, because tone and delivery matter, and also trust is ABSOLUTELY necessary for this to work. But a true friend will not let you pick your nose in public, let you lie to yourself, or let you be a jackass to the waiter because you’re having a bad day. True friends call you out, in a way you can hear. My intrepid editor (and former roommate) should put “challenging Ashleyne” on her resume, because she has honed the skill, let me tell you. And I love her for it.
   
2. They drop everything for you when you really need it. Of course, there are caveats to this one, too. But you had better believe that if I am stranded on the side of the road, there are a handful of people who would drop their great-grandmother’s China set on the hardwood floor and come straight over to help. Just ask my friend Corey about driving through a blizzard to deliver my spare keys to me when I was stuck on a median with my cell phone and wallet locked in my RUNNING car. Yeah, long story for another day. But I am very grateful for his willingness to drop everything.
   
3. They listen. My listening skills tend to fluctuate between legendary (in a good way) and infamous (in a bad way.) It often depends more on how much I’ve had to eat that day than how interested I am or how much I care. But my true friends are all good listeners, every single one of them. My current roommate is a particularly patient listener. At some point this week I found myself reciting my family tree, and as I said the words, “But then on my mom’s side,” I looked over at her and she still looked interested. Damn, girl. True friend.

Those three, to me, are vital to true friendship.

I cannot possibly list all my true friends here or the examples of their wonderfulness. Suffice to say I have many truly amazing friends, and I love them.

But now I want to hear about your friends.

What qualities do true friends have for you?