I Forgot One

In my recent post on key qualities of true friends, I forgot one important point. I think I’ve mentioned this item before, but it is so important that I feel the need to return to you with an addendum:

True friends of mine (like the really good friends for whom I would walk through fire or pluck out my nose hairs one at a time or listen to an out of tune dulcimer while drinking straight vinegar for) go along with things without asking why.

To be clear, I don’t mean that they ask no clarifying questions. Clarity is often necessary in order to go along. But they do not ask why we are going in the first place.

For instance, I was once purchasing ingredients to make soup at a friend’s house, and in order to ascertain the necessary volume of items I texted her to ask, “What’s the biggest pot you have?”

But I texted the wrong person.

However, as you can see below, the friend that I did text responded with only clarifying questions:

She simply wanted to know, “What kind of pot?” Not, “Why the hell are you asking me about pots?!”

Last week, a friend texted to tell me there was a tree down in the yard of her rental house, and, thinking through the options (as I do), I asked my roommate, “Do you know how to use a chainsaw?”

She said, “I do, actually.”

There was a slight pause, and she asked, “Is there a tree somewhere?” Clarifying question.

I replied with an affirmative, as well as the location of said tree. She looked at her watch, looked outside at the setting sun, and said, “If we leave now I think it will be dark when we get there.”

Not, “Why are we chopping up a tree?”

Or, “Can’t someone else go?”

Just, “where’s the tree and how long will it take us to get there?”

Although these two examples (two of many, I assure you) are sort of funny, I think they illustrate a pretty vital point: trust and action.

My good friends don’t wonder if I would put them into an unnecessary situation. They don’t question my motives. They just go with it, assuming the best of me.

It actually reminds me of that moment in Frozen II (a wonderful film) where Kristoff has been chasing Anna all around the kingdom and is getting frustrated, but when he finally catches up to her, he knows she’s in trouble, and as he swoops her up onto his reindeer (is there anything more romantic?!) he simply says, “I’m here. What do you need?”

Not, “Why in the name of reindeer everywhere are there rock giants following you?!” or any other (very valid) why questions. Just…how can I help?

Trust. And action.

What do you think? Is this a key part of your good friendships, or do you value being able to ask questions? I know this isn’t true for everyone, so I’m curious to hear what you all think.